There are so many milestones in an 18 year old man’s life, they can often slip by without notice. In the past two months, my son received his college acceptance letter. Then came, in short order, Senior Awards Night at his high school, the AP tests for calculus and chemistry, and last week, Prom and Commencement.

So it was almost an afterthought for him when  he mentioned that, after weeks of delay, he had finally scheduled his driver’s license road exam for mid-July. 

“You’ve got some work to do,” I reminded him, which elicited the now-common eye roll. My oldest knows that dad cares about his welfare, but often wishes dad didn’t worry so much.

Still, I said it would be necessary to step up the number of hours he spends behind the wheel in the weeks ahead, including some remedial work on the basic items every new driver must pass on the Massachusetts license road test. It’s time, I said, to go back to where we started with three-point turns, parallel parking, hill starts and all the rest.

This weekend we will be able to tackle all of these items without distraction. His mother and brothers will be away on a Scouting trip, so it will be our time together. That will mean our usual itinerary of large pancake breakfasts at the diner of our choice, Chinese takeout for dinner, and an excursion to the local short-track to watch a night of racing.  Only this time my son will do most of the driving, and I will be wearing my seat belt extra tight and watching the roads closely from the front passenger seat.

The looming date for the road test means one other deadline is coming up fast on the horizon: In two months, license or no license, my son will be leaving home, and the Bay State, for college. I’m only hoping things will run smoothly and we will be sharing the driving.

When you’re the parent of a teen who is learning to drive, you can often live in a state of heightened anxiety.

And while traditional driver’s education programs are designed to prepare inexperienced operators to pass the state licensing exam, they do little to teach new drivers how to avoid hazards on the road.        

To fill this void in road safety education, New England has access to the In Control Family Foundation, which hosts what it terms “Crash Prevention Training” courses for drivers of all ages and experience levels.

My son Dominick and I were privileged to partake of In Control’s 4 ½ hour class on a recent Saturday morning on the site of the old South Weymouth Naval Air Station. In Control offers a combination of behind the wheel exercises mixed with brief classroom instruction sessions during these intensive classes.

Thanks to the generosity of In Control Family Foundation, Safe Roads Alliance, and the Hummingbird Foundation of Wrentham, MA, my son and I took the course together and were able to compare our talents and knowledge in a setting that promoted familial bonding.

The In Control classroom instruction advises drivers on numerous ways to prevent crashes. These range from keeping a properly maintained vehicle to staying alert and focused while operating your vehicle.

For example, In Control emphasizes the importance of having the right tires, and replacing them before they become too worn (and taught us how to measure if our tires are no longer safe). Reminders are also given on the need for always wearing seat belts, and how to best use your vehicle’s side mirrors and back-up cameras to avoid collisions.

The instructor also mentioned the perils of distracted and drowsy driving, two subjects of particular importance to those of us with the Safe Roads Alliance.

The dangers of distracted driving were demonstrated, quite effectively, during the road course portion of the class. The initial driving test involves taking one of In Control’s fleet of Honda Accords up to highway speed (we topped out at 61 mph) then braking to avoid a series of cones set up on the tarmac of the course. After 3 or 4 attempts, my instructor then  handed me a calculator, as a cell phone simulator, and told me to punch in my birth year while driving at full speed. The results were. as you might expect, not pretty..

My son Dominick, who has had his learner’s permit for 5 months, found the road course especially valuable. He enjoyed the emergency braking session, which is designed to demonstrate the benefits of anti-lock brake systems (ABS) and how to properly use them.

Dominick particularly enjoyed the Slalom challenge, under which students must navigate between 7 cones placed 60 feet apart. The goal is to successfully steer between the cones, while gradually increasing the speed of your vehicle. Dominick excelled at this, while I managed to make it to 37 mph before destroying the sixth of the seven cones..

In Control is also valuable for older folks like me, because a lot has changed since I got my license in 1983. For example, because of advances in technology, we no longer are supposed to grip the steering wheel at “10 and 2.” In fact, “9 and 3” is the new 10 and 2, because it gives the driver easier control when steering and turning.

But the last of the four road course exercises reminded all the participants of the seriousness of road safety. In this challenge, the student driver must follow another car (driven by an instructor) that is pulling a flag on a tow line   .

The goal of this test is to brake as soon as the other car brakes, and stop as quickly as possible, ideally before passing the tow line. This simulates a real-life highway emergency. Both Dominick and I reacted as fast as we could, but the car did not come to a stop until it was a good 25 feet beyond the pace car. “We would be waiting on a hearse,” the instructor told us. It was lighthearted, but the message was clear. Poor reaction times, and failure to focus can have lethal consequences.

The In Control Family Foundation provides these trainings to teach young drivers how to avoid crashes and other hazards while navigating our roadways.  The classes remind us that even those who consider ourselves “safe drivers” can benefit from these refresher courses. 

For more info about In Control Family Foundation or to sign up for their Crash Prevention 101 course visit www.DriveInControl.org You can also find their podcast where you download your own by searching 'Drive In Control' or visit www.DriveInControl.org/podcast This podcast does a wonderful job of reviewing Safe Roads Alliance's The Parent's Supervised Driving Program, with each episode focusing on a new skill in the guidebook. 

I am grateful to Safe Roads Alliance for arranging this day out for Dominick and myself, and also grateful to the Hummingbird Foundation, established  in memory of Elizabeth Giordano of Wrentham, for underwriting the cost of this excursion. To learn more, visit www.hummingbirdmusicandarts.org/

During the February school vacation week, my son and I went out on the road twice. The first was to practice driving in inclement weather, which turned out to only be a light drizzle. He was able to successfully navigate both local back roads and a portion of our nearby interstate with the windshield wipers set to intermittent.

The second excursion was arranged to be a review of the items that will be on the Massachusetts RMV license road exam, which my son had decided to schedule for the month of April, giving him (and me) 6-8 weeks to hone his talents.

This was intended to be a review of what he had already learned, but it wound up serving as a reminder that inexperienced drivers need to engage in regular repetitions in order to master the skills needed to pass a licensure test.

My son had no difficulty backing up in a straight line, although I did need to remind him to use his right turn signal when pulling over to the curb. Similarly, his three-point turns were flawless, and he has remembered to come to a complete and full stop prior to crossing the solid white stop line ahead of stop signs.

The difficulty, as with so many young drivers, manifested itself at the parallel parking test location. Despite having performed this task on numerous prior occasions, my son could not get the proper feel for when to cut the wheel while backing into the space. The first time he waited too long, and the second he turned the wheel too soon. Finally on the third attempt he managed to execute the drill successfully. Of note was that two other families were also using the test lot behind the RMV that morning, and we all kept taking turns using the parallel parking test area. All of the teens practicing seemed to face similar challenges.

After some coaching, my son was able to remember the correct procedure for a hill start. Again, the use of turn signals was a problem, but the actual steps such as engaging the parking brake and turning the wheels toward the curb were not an issue.

However, that is not to say everything is rainbows and butterflies. When practicing parking in a lined space in a parking lot nearby, my son drove over a small patch of ice left from a previous week’s snowstorm. The car slipped a bit, and wound up in a slightly crooked angle. Ever the anxious parent, I audibly (and regrettably) let out a brief gasp. 

My son was not appreciative, and responded, “Your making that noise will not make me drive better.” I apologized for the outburst, explaining that I was still new to being a driving instructor. Then I  had him back the car up and redo the parking exercise. This time the car was straight and we both felt much better for the experience.  

Afterward we agreed that we would need to go back out and practice the exam sections--especially the parallel parking portion--a few more times before the April test. And despite my nervousness, I reassured him that he was doing fine and had my full support. I came away feeling as though I had failed a much more important test, but promised myself I’d work on improving. 

My first born got his learner’s permit this week. And as a friend wrote when I told him about this, “and now the fun starts.”

While learning to drive has long been a storied rite of passage for teens in America, it is also a period of transition for worried and anxious parents. We tell ourselves to be patient when our teen driver makes mistakes during the early morning practice session at the local office park or empty train station lot. We must be supportive, encouraging, yet ready to provide the wisdom of our experience during what can be some stressful moments.

And we must also be mindful that this time is stressful for our teen as well. They have cleared the first hurdle--acquiring the permit, a test that is not terribly taxing. Now comes the hard part: the hours of required road time, selecting and enrolling in a driver’s ed course, and studying the rules contained in the state-issued driver’s manual.

For parents, there are other emotions as well. We sit in the front shotgun seat, and watch our child, our baby, to our left, trying to navigate this large machine that, if not operated properly, can endanger both of our lives.

And we think back to all the times we watched patiently (that word again!) as our child tried to learn something new and difficult. Whether it was riding a bicycle or hitting a baseball or solving algorithms, every child’s struggle to tackle and overcome obstacles prepares them--and us--for the period between obtaining the driver’s permit and passing the license exam.

These months ahead will be an adventure for both my son and myself, and there will be moments that will not be fun for either of us. Thankfully, one tool at our disposal to get us through this learning period is Safe Roads Alliance’s Parent’s Supervised Driving Guide,   which we will have at the ready and consult whenever we feel overwhelmed or concerned about our child’s progress--or lack of same--behind the wheel. Safe Roads is grateful to the Massachusetts Registry of Motor Vehicles for providing free copies of the Parent’s Guide to every new driver who receives a learner’s permit.

My intent is to update you, the reader, on my son’s progress in the months ahead, as well as mine. For as he becomes a better driver, my goal is to become a better parent, and better teacher, as well as someone who can provide guidance and assistance on my boy’s path to adulthood.

I had told myself I was ready.

In the first few days after your child returns home, triumphantly, in possession of his Learner’s Permit, you begin mentally preparing yourself for the first foray into the unknown.

In our case it was early Sunday morning, on a cul-de-sac located near our local Registry of Motor Vehicles branch, the very street where the RMV holds its road tests. In addition to being a seldom traveled dead end, this street is ideal for practicing most of the items on the License road exam. The road is straight, with a high curb, perfect for backing up. It contains a steady incline for hill starts. And across the street sits a sturdy guard rail, should the driver trainee fail to properly execute a three-point turn. 

My son switches places with me, and takes a seat behind the steering wheel. I am in the shotgun seat, staring at him as he adjusts the mirrors. I thought I was mentally prepared for this, but in this moment I find myself nearly overcome with emotion. This is one of those moments, like a child’s valedictorian speech or first role in a school musical, that marks the passage of time for a parent. I can only think of my first born now as a young man, and myself as someone aging, who will eventually cede the wheel to him permanently.

But for now there is instruction to be given, and I am still the teacher. I remind my son to  always use his turn signals long before engaging the wheel. I’m impressed by his ability to back the car up 30 feet in a straight line. His three-point turns are slow but flawless. I tell him he needs to stop before the white stripe in front of the stop sign, and not after, and he gets it right the second time.

Later, in the empty lot behind the Registry building, I work on the daunting task of teaching him to parallel park. This is the bane of most new drivers, and he finds this very challenging. The first time he cuts the wheel too late, the next time just a mite too soon. I tell my son he’s doing fine and we will continue to work on this. I know he is focused and wants to get his license, and I’m confident that, as we go out each successive weekend, that these turns and wheel cuts will become sharper and more precise. And that, maybe next week, or perhaps the week to follow, he will tell me he’s ready to move on to the next challenge and tackle the back streets of his hometown. And I will tell myself I’m ready. 

From Permit to License, Part Three: A parent’s journey with a teen driver

Up until this week, my son’s driving time had been conducted in controlled settings with limited risk. At first, we had practiced the tasks for the Massachusetts Road Test on a cul de sac used by the Registry of Motor Vehicles for its license exam. Then, on a Sunday morning with few other cars on the road, I had my son drive from the RMV parking lot to the local mall, practice parking, turning and backing up, and return to the Registry lot. 

The second Sunday in November was an unseasonably sunny and warm day, the type made for the joys of a drive in the country.

My son has had his Learner’s Permit for 3 months. By now, he has become accustomed to driving on local roads, as well as performing the various tasks that are required to pass the state driver’s license exam. We are taking the gradual steps toward learning how to safely operate a car under all conditions, as put forth in The Parent's Supervised Driving Guide.

After consulting the guide's lesson Adapting to New Landscapes, we prepared to set out into the wilds of southeastern Massachusetts to face our next challenge.

The Parent’s Supervised Driving Guide advises: “When driving in rural or country areas, there are a number of situations that require special attention. The road surface can be affected by loose gravel, slippery conditions after rain or snow, ruts in the driving lanes, and washboard conditions. When approaching oncoming vehicles, watch for soft shoulders or the absence of shoulders.”  

The guide also instructs motorists to watch out for farm animals in the road.                                                                                                   

We didn’t see any of those, but we did encounter pickup trucks hauling muddy ATVs; dozens of motorcyclists out for a long day’s jaunt; and even a couple of those three-wheeled vehicles that are now favored by older riders. Mostly we saw other folks out navigating these often poorly paved two-lane country roads. 

I didn’t push my son too hard, agreeing that we would drive 3-4 miles up the road, then turn around and circle back. My goals were to see how he would handle the higher speeds, and adjust to the constant need for braking and accelerating.

My biggest stressor was when I sensed my son was either following too close to the slower vehicles ahead of him, and whether he would be able to brake fast enough should other traffic come to a sudden stop.  

Most of the roadway had a speed limit of 45 mph. My son  hadn’t driven that fast previously, and he remarked that he enjoyed operating at the higher speed. I was quick to point out to him each time that the speed limit dropped to 35mph as a “business district” approached, which was usually a gas station with a liquor store inside. We stopped at one of these places so I could teach my son how to pump gas, another lesson teens need to learn prior to setting out on their own.

As it turned out, my son was perfectly capable of accelerating and decelerating in concert with the pickup trucks and horse trailers with whom we shared the road. The only potential issue that we had not considered involved stepping on the gas after waiting at a stoplight. My son said he found the gas pedal on my Toyota different from that on his mother’s car, and that he did not yet have a feel for how hard to step on the accelerator when the light turned green.

But other than a couple of these jackrabbit starts, we completed our journey without incident. When my son returned to the origin point of the day’s lesson, a convenience store parking lot, he pulled into a vacant space next to a phalanx of nine motorcycles. He shut his eyes and let out a deep sigh as he put the car in park and turned off the ignition. “I liked that,” he said. “But I think I’m done for now.” And I remembered that this is still a learning process for him, as well as for me. 

As we switched places and I took the wheel for the drive back to my house, we agreed that we probably wouldn’t have many warm sunny days left this season. And so we decided the next lesson would likely involve not just driving on local highways, but perhaps in winter conditions as well.

Winter school break presented a terrific opportunity to schedule driving time with your teen. Since they were not in school (either in-person or remotely) there was more time for the two of you to plan car trips that will boost your young driver’s skills and confidence. In addition, the roads tend to be less crowded, allowing more chances to teach situational driving without your teen being overwhelmed.